Day 4

I've realized recently that I wear a mask of politeness and being nice.  I am learning to tap into my aggressive energy in a healthy way, which means learning to be direct and honest.  I have the most difficult time with having a compassionate blunt honesty with myself.  Sometimes when I pray, I go into pious prayer mode, and I don't talk to God as I would do a friend who has known me all my life.  I hope that with each coming day I can be more honest in my prayer, and not be afraid to be humorous,  angry, sad, or even a little bit irreverent.  Here is my prayer for today:

God, I want to be real with you, but sometimes its really hard.
Help me to let go of what I think what I know about You, my spiritual journey, and who I am.

I open myself up to you, so I may experience You in my life.

Help me cut through my own bullshit, so I am honest with myself.

I give thanks for my life.  Please help me to breathe deeply today, so I may be present to people that I think are "assholes."  Help me to get to know them as people, and connect to them beyond what's hard about them.  I don't expect this to happen overnight, so help me to have patience as You teach me to love.

Oh yeah, and help me to love the greatest pain in the ass in my life. Me.  Help me to be compassionate and loving to myself, so I may embody your love to others.  Thanks.  Amen.