Day 26

Be with me O God in my steps forward,
           and even in my steps back.

Walk with me Lord, and Holy Spirit
                                           be with me in my steps.  Amen.

Day 25

I've kind of gotten away from morning, but I still have 2 hours to spare.

Here is my prayer for today:

   Teach me to Love as You Love.
          Love without limits, love without expectations,
                         love without control.

I want to give and receive Love as You did Lord, when
      you took on human flesh.  I do not wish to be God, but
                   I want what is holy and good in me to flourish.

I want the real freedom that is given to those who open their
             hearts to Love.  I want to be intoxicated not on wine, but
                        on being filled to the brim with Your contagious joy for living.

Jesus, my brother, and my friend.  I have no idea what the past was like, but I
       imagine you smiling and laughing with the birds even on the cross.
                Holy Spirit, light a fire in my heart that burns away my fears.

Help me to embrace my full self that I am beloved by the Triune God.
             I am already whole.  Amen.

 

Day 24

God.  I'm really pissed at my friend.
Help me to let go of my resentment.

I'm really tired and cranky, so help me
to be not so caught up in myself.

Let my nap be a sign of my rest in you.
I hope I can respond next time to my
friend with compassion and acceptance,
instead of from a place of passive aggressive
energy.

I'm a frail human being with strengths and
faults of my own.  Thank You for being gentle
with me, and Help me to be gentle with
myself and others.  Amen.

Day 23

Yesterday was an interesting day.  The overnight awake was not there, so me and Barry had to do shifts for the overnight awake.  I woke up 2.45am, and I did not really get real sleep till 9:20pm or so.  I think I was having visions as I watched Sherlock Holmes with my friend.  It was a wonderful day, I spent the morning with two of my friends at Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, and all three of us spent some time in prayer and then had a meal together.

I've been more appreciative of the little things in life, since I have lived at L'Arche.  It's no longer conceptual, this appreciation of little things, but it's woven into my daily rhythm.  Daily rhythms of my community isn't like the rhythms of Trappists, Cistercian monks [Monastic Religious Order in the Catholic Church], but there's a feeling tied to the flow of everyday things.  L'Arche like monastic life is relational, you can't escape folks you see everyday, and you can't escape yourself.  

Before I share my prayer for today, here is a quote from Leo Tolstoy from Wise Thoughts for Every Day: 
     The real power of a person is found not in his busy schedule
     or loud actions but in his quiet, constant desire to do what is
     good, as expressed in his thoughts, words, and actions.

My prayer for today:

Thank You my friend for giving me a day of presence.
Thanks for sustaining me even though my body was tired.
May You walk with me today, and in my steps.

Help me to slow down and connect to my heart and may
my heart be always connected to You, the Source, the Essence
of Life.  Bless me o Lord, so I may desire to do Your will even
when I don't really have a clue what that might be.  Help me trust
that desiring to do Your will is more than enough.  Help me be not
tempted to think my own knowledge and will is always in line with Your will,
because I can even full myself with my lies and illusions.
I want to be who I really am, and I want to live in Truth.  Amen.

Day 22

Dear God.  Help me to be present today, even though I will be physically exhausted.  Be with me as my body gives out.  Help to be present until I can take a nap and give my body rest.  I love You and know You are with me and those around me even on hard days.  Oh, I hope You had a Merry Christmas.  Peace.  Amen.

Day 21

God, help me to embrace my imperfections without just sitting on my ass or
judging the hell out of myself.
        I had the best intentions to pray these prayers in the morning, but sometimes I wake up
damn early, and my days get lost.  But thanks for bringing back to prayer and that I don't need
to pretend I get extra pious points for being more dutiful or more discipline.

You're teaching me real humility, so I thank you for it.  Some days I could do without it, but I guess
that's my self pity and crazy ego talking.  Thank you God for walking with me and being in my steps, even when I stumble, even when I go too damn fast, or too damn slow.  You love me just the same.
Amen.

Day 20

Grant me peace and serenity.
May I pass your peace to people I meet today, and
not flip out on people who give me a hard time.

Help me to not judge myself or others if I'm not so peaceful
after all.  Help  me to accept Your love and be patient while Your
love works on me.  Peace out my friend.  Amen.

 

Day 19

                        my brother
                        my friend.
           i long to walk by your side,
           to hear your laughter and eat
                         together.
                         you're
                          always
                          welcome
                          in the
                          home of
                          my heart.

Day 19

Divine Mother.

Hold me in Your arms, so

I may know Your warmth and protection.

I know I am secure in You, so I will 

wait patiently without fear 

to be transformed by

the little moments

of life.

Amen.

Day 18

                         wakin' up to life
                                              isn't
                                              easy.
                                              i reckon most things that's       
                                                                                       worth a damn ain't easy,
                                                                                                                      but
                                                                                                                       i wish
                                                                                       You, God, would give me
                                                                              a  magic
                                                                              pill. 
                                                                              damn!
                                            i actually have to take steps
                                            to     
                                            live
                                            a
                         spiritual life.

Day 17

[side note:  my prayers from this point on will take more experimental and poetic turns.  i'm going to envoke psalms and song of songs.]

Better late than never:

My heart sings for Joy.
The taste of bitterness in my soul is
                      being washed by Your cleansing fire.

Like an unrefined clay with air bubbles, I burst in Your Kiln
                      only to be pieced back together.

It is painful to be transformed in Your love, because I am so afraid of this new inner freedom.
                      I have only known darkness and fear, so it feels unnatural to embrace love.

God of my life, free me from myself, so I may sing for Joy.

Day 16

Lord, help me to accept my deepest fear that my True Self will not be good enough.
My feelings of inadequacy block me from fully embracing who You are calling me to be,
my True Self centered in You.

Help me to be aware of this fear and become friends with it,
so I may love the lost little boy who was hurt lying underneath that fear.

Thank you Lord for the little lessons of life,
even when I stumble I trust in You.  Amen.

Day 15

Bless You Lord,
Creator of the Universe.

Thanks for forming me in my momma's womb.

You know me in and out, so I won't bor you with my good and bad qualities.
Please help me to use my for others, and to accept my brokeness.

May Your peace and Love fill me today in each moment.
May Your abundant joy and laughter spread through little ole me.

Help me to let go of false pride and rest in hope in You. Amen.

Day 14

God, help me today to let go of judgment towards myself and towards other human beings.
Help me to let go of my resentments.  Amen.

Day 13

The first part of the prayer I heard from a woman who shared with me a very simple prayer to trust in God:

God.
Guide me,
direct me,
show me.

God.
Please give me hope,
so I may live in hope.

Help me to know Your love
in the depths of my whole being,
so I may be rooted in Your love.
Amen.

Day 12

I find myself returning to old thought patterns.  When I'm cranky and tired, I can become full of angst and then I project my anger towards another in the form of criticisms.  I want to really grow out of this negative behavior or become more aware of it, so I can let go.  But maybe it first starts with admitting this negative aspect of me and accepting what's underneath it.

My prayer today:

God, help me feel my own insecurities today.
Help me to not project my fears upon others, but
help me to become more aware of what's underneath it all.

Sometimes I hide behind my mask of niceness,
but then I can really lash out with a critical voice.
Help me drop my false masks,
but also to embrace aggression I've repressed for a long time.
Help me Lord to channel my aggression and fears,
and transform them into energy in service of others.
I don't really understand all of this, but I trust You'll help
me navigate through my own confusion. 
Thank You for giving me another day to greet with a smile.
Amen.

Day 11

Prayer:

Thank you God for a restful sleep.
Thanks for restoring my body, mind and spirit.
Help me to rest in you as I go about the day, and to entrust
all of myself to You, good and bad.

Give me strength to be willing to participate in Your work today.
May have eyes to see work of the Kingdom
in my little neighborhood and in my home,
here and now. Amen.

Day 10

I woke up late around 10am, which is really late for me.  My body must have been really exhausted.  Everyday is a new day at L'Arche and yesterday was full of little unexpected turns.

Prayer for today:

Divine Mother/Father, Creator of the Universe, You who delight in even the smallest "insignificant" single cell organism, thank you for breathing life into me.  I give thanks for the lives of beautiful people that surround me, who help me to grow.

I've been asking for help each day, so I may fully live into the person that I am, so I may love You and love others fully.  Help me this day to live in the Truth that I am beloved by You, and so is each life that I encounter today.  Help me to remember this reality when I find my voice becoming critical with someone I don't respect or like.  Help me today to accept the hard things as a pathway to peace.  I love you God.  Help me to bask in Your love, so I may share this contagious joy with laughter, singing and presence.  May Your peace be with You.  :)  Amen.

 -----
Yes, I wrote a smiley face in my prayer to God.  :)  What's life without humor, even in prayer?

Day 9

Last night I wrote on a piece of paper that says, "Today is a good day to live."  This saying is another way of saying, "today is a good day to die."  Each moment and each day is precious, and I stuck this paper on top of my ceiling over my bed, so I can be reminded when I wake up.

Prayer for today:

Thank You God for helping me to wake up.
May I embrace today as a good day to live.
Help me Divine Mother/Father to live as if today is my last day to live, living each moment as a wondrous gift, and freely giving and receiving love.

With Your help, I will breathe deeply toward the seat of my Heart, and sing a new song.
Holy Spirit, sing and pray in me a new song.
Help me to hear this song in those whose lives touch mine today.  Amen.

Day 8: Night Reflection

I never know what a day at L'Arche will look like.  Everyday is a new day, and small unexpected things can happen.  I feel grateful that I'm becoming more present to life, otherwise I'd have checked the "f" out today.  Sometimes feeling things seem so damn hard, but I'd rather feel the joys, pains and boredom of life without numbing myself. 

Day 8

Today's Prayer:

Hi God. 
Thanks for giving me life. 
Thanks for giving me another day. 
Help me today to be gentle with myself
and gentle with others.  Amen.

Day 7

A simple prayer for today:

God, I give thanks for the gift of another day.  I pray for help in staying present today.  Help me to not withdraw emotionally, mentally, or physically when I encounter something or someone that is hard for me to take.  Help me to breathe and open up in that moment.  Help me to rest in the hope that You are with me and that You love me as I am.  Amen.

Day 6

I woke up with some tension in my shoulders and lower back.  I think I might take a nap later today, because my body wanted a little more sleep.  I wrote out my prayer by hand first, and I noticed that my prayers are getting longer.  I think the practice of writing my prayers is helping me to work out my thoughts and feelings and entrusting that God works through and in me.  I begin each day trying to give my will and life over to God, and I end each day with the same prayer and intention.  Sometimes I fail miserably to live this out, but I think it's more about setting my intention and centering my desires by desiring to turn my life and will over to God.  Here is the prayer that rose from my heart-mind today:

Jesus, my brother and friend, please walk with me this day.
Holy Spirit dwell in me and help me to actually feel the emotions that are coursing through me.
God, help to no repress my feelings, but sit with them and become aware of them, so I can accept and embrace them as gifts; blessings, because they call for me grow. 

I've been feeling overwhelmed with anger and resentment towards You and Your Church.
Help me to work through and past my own fears and expectations that keep me locked in.
Free my heart, so I may let go of control.

Help me to let go of resentment towards people who've hurt me in the past.  Help me to see their suffering, and have compassion for them because they too are sick and trying to be whole like me.  Most of all, help me to have love and compassion for myself as I journey towards this new place of actually feeling all the things inside of me,  I am learning to simply be in Your presence as I am.  Help me to breathe through hardships today, so I may live each moment with gratitude.  Help me Lord to experience this day as a gift.  Amen.

Day 5

Yesterday I read a section from "Opening the Heart" in a book called The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, they wrote:

Change and transformation do not--and cannot--occur without emotional transformation, without the heart being touched.  We feel the call to transformation in our hearts, and only our hearts can answer.  What moves us is "E-motion," the movement of our Essence, the movement of love.  If our heart is closed, no matter how much spiritual knowledge we have accumulated, we will not be able to respond to the call; nor will our knowledge make any real difference in our lives.

Αn open heart enables us to participate fully in our experiences and connect in a real way with the people in our lives.  From our hearts, we "taste" our experiences and are able to discern what is true and valuable.  In this respect, we might say that it is the heart, not the mind, that knows [Riso & Hudson, 360]

As I'm learning more and more about myself, and especially the wall of personality I have built to cope with past situations, I am relearning to be my true self.  I am actually feeling feelings I have repressed deep inside of me, or things I tried to numb or block out with compulsive behavior.  My prayer for today is a greater opening of my heart:

Hello God.
Thanks for helping me wake up with an intention to be present to You.
I give thanks for this 18" journey I am on from my mind to my heart.
Help me to integrate what I know in  my head with how I am being.
My heart has been opening little by little, so I am grateful for Your help.
Help me to continue on this journey and be loving and patient with myself as I
continually open my heart to Your love.  As I root myself more deeply in your Heart,
please guide me in sharing Your contagious love and joy with others. 

I ask You to be with my brother as he journeys through some big transitions in his life, and all those
struggling to find meaning and purpose.  I give thanks for my Heart-Mind, and wisdom You have placed within the core of my being.  Help me to trust the prayer of the Holy Spirit within me, so that I may do Your work.  Please guide my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions today.  Amen.

Day 4

I've realized recently that I wear a mask of politeness and being nice.  I am learning to tap into my aggressive energy in a healthy way, which means learning to be direct and honest.  I have the most difficult time with having a compassionate blunt honesty with myself.  Sometimes when I pray, I go into pious prayer mode, and I don't talk to God as I would do a friend who has known me all my life.  I hope that with each coming day I can be more honest in my prayer, and not be afraid to be humorous,  angry, sad, or even a little bit irreverent.  Here is my prayer for today:

God, I want to be real with you, but sometimes its really hard.
Help me to let go of what I think what I know about You, my spiritual journey, and who I am.

I open myself up to you, so I may experience You in my life.

Help me cut through my own bullshit, so I am honest with myself.

I give thanks for my life.  Please help me to breathe deeply today, so I may be present to people that I think are "assholes."  Help me to get to know them as people, and connect to them beyond what's hard about them.  I don't expect this to happen overnight, so help me to have patience as You teach me to love.

Oh yeah, and help me to love the greatest pain in the ass in my life. Me.  Help me to be compassionate and loving to myself, so I may embody your love to others.  Thanks.  Amen.



 

Day 3

I wanted to sleep in this meeting, but I got out of bed to pray.  I'm one of those people who prays by clearing his desk and lighting a candle.  We all need something to mark the time and space as sacred, and the lone candle on a bare wooden desk works for me.  Here is my prayer for this morning:

God, I surrender to you. I let go of my need to control, and trust my life and will to you. 
Help me to dismantle the wall of my false self, my own personality that keeps me separate from you.

Dwell in me, so I can walk in your light and warmth.
May I share this warmth with all those around me both near and far.
May I do thy will always.  Amen.

Day 2

Today, I woke from a dream about my friend Lauren and Johnny from L'Arche Daybreak.  I hope and pray that they are well.  I am thankful my subconscious reminded me to reach out to my friends at Daybreak.  Here is the prayer for today:

God, thank you for waking with with me and within me.
I ask you to guide my thoughts today, so I can be more
present to those around me.

May I be rooted in Your love and know with my whole being that
I am loved. 

May I love others today as You love me.  Freely, Joyfully and without expectations.  Amen.

90 Days of Prayer: Day 1

I am going to try to create prayers in the morning for 90 days.  I will pray these prayers through out the day.  I want to document this process and share the prayers that rise out of my heart.  Some prayers will be inspired by prayers of others.

I'm a little groggy from waking up, but here's my prayer to start this process:


Oh Breath of Life,
 breathe in me, so that I may embody Your love.
Help me to see the Divine Spark in me and others.
Holy Spirit live in me, teach me to pray, and pray in me.  Amen.

Fear

Human flourishing seems to be in jeopardy when fear enters into our lives.  I am struggling to be able to let go of my false self, the identity that I had to construct in order to survive and cope through a traumatic childhood.  The ways of being that helped me survive and live through hard times are no longer necessary, and they are actually keeping me back from being able to receive and give love fully.