"Tree of Silence"

This is a water color painting I did a few years ago while I was attending a class at Duke Divinity School.  I was reading poems by Vassar Millar and she often referred to heard hands twisted and stiffened by cerebral palsy.  I took inspiration from her poems and created this image. 

Day 90

Thank You Lord for this journey of prayer.  I am grateful for discovering how You are present in my life one little moment and step at a time.  Help me to be present to those who suffer from being restless, irritable, and discontent.  Amen.

Day 89

A Day behind, but I'm still grateful.  Thanks for a night of community, a night of connection.  Amen.

Day 88

Dear God.  I am grateful for all the lessons I have been learning on this journey.

I am grateful for simple tools that help me live a spiritual life instead of just a spiritual theory.

I will try keepin' it simple one day at a time.  peace.  Amen.

Day 87

Please take away my unease.  Help me to know that I am worthy to be loved.  Amen.

Day 86

Thank You Lord this day.  Help me to let go things that's not mine to claim, and embrace the gifts You've given me fully so I may use it to serve my brothers and sisters.  I desire to do Your will even though sometimes I have no clue what that might be.  Amen.

Day 85

Love keeps on embracing me with warmth.  Amen.

Day 84

I keep on truckin' cause You keep on giving me grace.  Amen.

Day 83

Grateful for life that sustains me, and for a life that invites me to live more deeply.  Amen.

Day 82

Thank You Lord for a day with friends, a day with laughter, and day of hanging out with old crazy men.  Amen.

Day 81

Lord, take away my fear.  Help me open my heart to You.  Help me to love my family for who they are and not what I would like them to be.  Amen.

Day 80

My body goes through withdrawal and the God sized hole I tried to fill
with booze and sex fades as You fill me with peace and sometimes quiet
waiting.

God, I've experienced You in my life in the little moments in these last 4 months that
I never even dreamed in seminary.  Spiritual life is not a theory, but a joyous embrace
of reality as it is.  I love the moments that fill me with tears and the moments that fill me with laughter, and everything in between.  Amen.

Day 79

Thank you Jesus[Joshua], my brother, for the journey you took.

May I have the courage to follow you on the road to Jerusalem, to Gethsamane, death and then new life.
Amen.

Day 78

Thank You for this day of fire. 

May my passionate love for You Creator burn away my selfishness.

May I be a little light that burns even in the darkest of nights.  Amen.

Day 77

Thank You Lord for the gift of silence and friendships where I can just be.  Amen.

Day 76

Thank You for this day. For a Day filled with good friends and laughter.  Amen.

Day 75

I pray for my friends who are sick and suffering. 
I pray that I may remain spiritually fit, so I may
relate to others from my experience of pain and
help them grow past it.

Thank You Lord for helping to walk the path of acceptance and love.
I am not proud of the things I've done and said, but I am making right
with You, others and myself.  All I can do is try a little more each day,
and let it go.  Amen.

Day 74

Today is a day of golden colors.
A day where the beautiful sun shines its rays on Your creation.

Thank You for being patient with me Lord.  Help me to keep growing in Your love.

May I share Your love with joy and understanding. 
May I be a channel of Your love, peace, and presence through the little actions of listening, laughing, and being with.  Amen.

Day 72

Lost Day 2:

My soul has ached for so  long that at first I feel guilty for being well.

My quickly I realize that my heart is meant to sing with joy all the pain, joy, and experiences in between.
The fullness of my life is how You have worked in this person called me, and when I am fully alive I witness to how the Creator is breathing life into me.  Holy Spirit walk with me, Holy Spirit pray in me and help me to sing with all my being.  Amen.

Day 71

Lost Day 1:

I want to jump to the finish line, but hear the words "easy does it."

Help me to Love myself one day at a time, and to share with courage
the Love I've received as a gift from You.  Amen.

Day 73

Lost Day 3:

DANCE of MYSELF

i
                                  move                       ­          because i am bursting with joy and song.
               with
                                   my                                     breath leads me to the seat of my heart
              whole                                          ­ 
                          
                          b
                          e
                          i
                          n
                          g       
                            
                                    f
                                    r
                                    e
                                    e
                                           
                                               to
                                                        two-s­tep
                                                             ­             out of
                                         
                                          h
                                          e
                                          r
                                          e

Day 70

Dear God,

Thank You for this day. 
I am grateful for my life, even all the ups and downs.
I'm grateful for meeting the people that drive me crazy, people
that have hurt me and continue to hurt me, because they all teach me to love.

We are all suffering people with problems trying to do the best we can.  Help me
to be rooted in Your love.  Help me not react so damn much, and turn my anger inward
towards myself.  Help me to be grateful for my struggles, and really celebrate the joys that enter my life.

God help me with my loneliness.  I feel like I'm walking this path on most days by myself, so help me remember that I'm never alone.  You are always with me and within me.  Help me to trust in the hope that lies with each day.  Amen.

Day 69

Lord Thank You for a new day.  A new start.  May I open myself to each moment anew.  Amen.

Day 68

I long for Peace My God.
Peace with myself,
Peace with others,
and at Peace with You.

I have fought this battle
against You and against life
for so long.  I am tired and restless.

I surrender to You.  I give up the fight.
But in giving up, and in surrendering to You,
I receive new life.  I am very slow to understand,
but bit by bit I finally experience the saying
"Surrender is Victory."  Amen.

Day 67

Thank you for this day.  A day of gold.
A day where I got to breathe and rest in my body and heart.  Amen.

Day 66

Thank you for this Thursday.
A day of trees in Korean Calendar.
I give thanks for the earth and the sky.  Amen. 

Day 65

3 Days behind:

Lord, I give you praise for this Wednesday.
A day of water.  A day of celebration.
A good day to live.  Amen.

Day 64

I lived my life checked out and disconnected,
and I blamed You for my pain.

I saw a father who represented You
make all the wrong the moves, and I thought
that meant I could resent the hell out of You
and Your damn Church.

I still hold all this anger inside, Help me to let it go.
There's no one to fight, no one to yell at.  Just slowly
imploding with resentment. 

May I let go of fear and let in Your love. 
May I be compassionate instead of pointing the angry finger.  Amen.

Day 63

I am restless O Lord My God.
A sleepless night really shows me
the importance of peace of mind.
Grant me the strength to get through the day
fully present to myself and to others around me.
Be in my aching muscles and tired bones.

O Creator, put my anxiety at ease and help me to trust in You.

Please grant me pardon for speaking ill of others
and become more compassionate to those who struggle.
May I examine my own actions and words
before I project my dissatisfaction to others.  Amen.

Day 62

Creator, breather life into me today.
Help me let go of my ego,
so I can open myself in being present to others.

Help me to break the cycle of violence that has been
passed through the hands of my ancestors.  Help me
to stop judging myself and those nearest and closest to me. 
Help me to love with a joyous freedom that only comes from a life
grounded in Your life, a life without fear.
Amen.

Day 61

For Sat:

Thank You Lord for another day of being present to myself and others.  Amen.

Day 60

The World shines with beauty.
May I be drunk on Your Love and
marvel at creations infinite beauty.

Help me to stay open, so I can open myself
to interconnectedness of all things. 
Holy Spirit walk with me and pray in me.  Amen.

Day 59

Thank You Creator for breathing life into me.
Thank You for the gifts of the spiritual life that
help me to delve into new levels of freedom.
My I embrace all of life with an open heart and open mind.  Amen.

Day 58

Thank You for the gift of forgiveness and making up for days lost.  Amen.

Day 57

Thank You Lord for the gift of community.
Help me be more open and vulnerable with myself
and with you.
Amen.

Day 56

Lord Grant me serenity to be myself. 
Give me the courage to grow, and wisdom to trust in You, myself and others.  Amen.

Day 55

Dear God. 
Take away my anger. 
Take away my fear to be present.
Take away my shame.
May I live life with joy and courage.
Amen.

Day 54

Thank You God for the little things in life.  For laughter and friendships.  Amen.

Day 53

Thank You Lord for all the help You've given me and continue to give me
each day and in each moment.

Help me to keep surrendering my life and will over to You.
I desire to live into the phrase, "surrender is victory."
If my life is in no longer mine, then I have no more reasons
to live in fear.  No reason to control.  Help me to live into
living a fearless life. 

Help me Lord to help others who are suffering like me, and
help not for my own ego or well being, but because of Your
abundant love overflowing in me.  Amen.

Day 52

Thanks for the gift of travel.  Keep all those who travel safe, including me.  Amen.

Day 51

Help me to seek connection today.
Help me to let go of the little things I'm holding back from You.
I want to fully surrender, but I still have fear.
Help me Lord to have the courage to fully trust You.  Amen.

Day 50

Dear God. 
May I be grounded in Your love today. 
May I be at peace with You, myself, and others.  Amen.

Day 49

My mind is numb.  Help me wake up from my drowsy sleep.  Help me be present to life.  Amen.

Day 48

Thank You for the gift of my family, good food, and a loving home.  Amen.

Day 47

Thank You for good laughter, friends and little moments of life.  Amen.

Day 46

The last few days I've been travelling:

Thank You Lord.  Keep me safe.  Amen.

Day 45

Thank You Lord for this Day of rest.
May I be still and rest in Your Love today.  Amen.

Day 44

Thank You Lord for the gifts of the  day.
I give thanks for the breath of life,
I give thanks for my the birds flying free in the city.
I give thanks for strangers on the bus, who have the Divine Spark
that You gave to all of us.

Thank You for the winter season, for the moon, and the tides.
I pray for my friends in the sea that they're not over fished, and
they're homes not destroyed my humans like me.

Thank You Lord for the simplicity of my community, and for
us being rooted in this busy city that is Washington, D.C.
I pray for all the lives that have walked, breathed, ate, slept, laughed,
cried, and prayed at Euclid House.  I give thanks for their life, and
the heritage and life that they have left behind.  I give thanks for
the interconnection of life, especially as it is felt and lived in
the community of L'Arche. 

I give thanks for the fellowship I have found outside my community, but
I give thanks for my home being the center in which I can explore and
grow.  Thank You for providing a home, a community, a place for me
where I feel safe to be me.  I am learning to simply be.

Help me God of my ancestors, Creator of the Universe to root myself
to this place.  Thank You for leading me to a place where I can grow,
please help me to stay.  I commit to You O Lord, to my community,
to myself, to the circle of love around me one day a time.  Amen.

Day 43

Loneliness falls on me quietly like the last leaves of winter. 
          I know I love You Creator, and yet I sometimes get lost in my own mind.
                      I fall into a pit of my own making and nurse my sadness like a
                      wounded cat.

I am loved by You, but sometimes it feels like its not enough.  I know this fact
in my head, but I don't always feel it with my being. 
There are days where my foot steps feel heavy, and all I can do to do the next
right thing is not exploding at innocent stranger.

                       I feel numb.  I feel loved.  I feel found.  I feel lost.
                                       All of the above and more.
                      I am sailing in unknown waters, and I ask for Your guidance.

Walk with me Oh God, who loves the smallest of creatures.  Be in my steps. 
                       Be with me in my loneliness.
                       Be with me as I wail against You, Be with me as I run towards You.
                       Be with me in my sadness and joy.  Amen.

Day 42

Dear God.  I feel really lethargic and tired today. 
I want to just sleep all day. 
Help me to get out of bed and not wallow in my loneliness.  
Thanks a Million.  Amen.

Day 41

Help me Lord today to seek connection
and let my self let go of myself, so
I can see the interconnection of life
You have woven into creation.

May I be connected to my breath,
my heart, and to You this day.  Amen.

Day 40

Thank You God for the friends in my life.
Thank You for the little things in my life,
like a roof over my head, good food, and friends
to laugh with.

I ask You for help once again, I have been feeling
lonely of late and I ask You to help me connect to You,
other human beings, and to Your Creation.

May I seek connection so I can grow, and ultimately
help others who are struggling like me. 

Thank You for my crazy family.  Thank You for my own crazy self.

May I rediscover the childhood wonder as I go through growing pains.  Amen.

Day 39

Dear Creator,

I am warn out.  Help me to break from the bondage of self.
My ego and self will has run a muck, and yet I still rely
on my own help to change.

Help me Lord today to genuinely accept Your help, and let
go of my character defects or walls of personality I have built
up.  Help me feel my fears and not run away from them.  I am
grateful for the people You have placed in my life as guides
and fellow pilgrims on this journey of life.  Amen.

Day 38

Dear Beloved.  Help me know Your love, even when my stubborn ego
refuses to be embraced by a power greater than myself.

Help me to remember that I am not in control, and that
I do not have to earn learn through external perfection.

Help me to let go and move out of the way.  I pray that
more love and hope will enter my life day by day.  Amen.

Day 37

Thank You Lord for this day.  I wasn't an asshole today, even when I was cranky.  Amen.

Day 36

Thank You Great Spirit for another Tuesday.
Fire day for Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese.
Burn in me Holy Spirit.  Thank You for Poetry
and the music of life.
Amen. 

Day 35

Thank You for reminding me that I am not God.
Thank You for each moment good and all.  Amen.

Day 34

Thank You Lord giving me
a second chance.

I pray for all those folks I have hurt,
and I hope I can making a living amend by
being more present.  Amen.

Day 33

Holy Spirit Pray in me today,
as I share with another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.
Help me to be open with myself, and with the Divine presence.

The last few days have been really uncomfortable,
and looking at my past has been difficult.  Help to let go of my
resentments, and hold myself gently, because I have a tendency
to beat myself up for not being perfect.

I love You God and I know You love me, even when I stumble and
fall flat on my face.  I hope and pray that this new level of honesty
leads to a new level of freedom.  Help to me to keep keepin' on.  Amen.

Day 32

A day late:

Help me to face shit I've blocked out of my life. 
God I'm afraid to be honest with myself.
I've done things I'm not proud of,
so help me to really examine how I've hurt myself and others.

Help me to also be gentle and kind with myself, and not feel like a total shit.
Help me to remember that I am loved by You, and despite my mistakes I'm
still a loving human being.  Thank God for my life, the good and the bad.  Amen.

Day 31

Creator, You who delighted in the creation, delight in me.
                I need Your help to see that I am worthy enough
                                                             to turn my life and will over to You,
                                                             and to serve You and others who are
                                                             suffering.

Help me to grow in the assurance that when You see me,
You see that I am good.  I am part of Your beautiful creation,
and help me to live connected and interconnected to what You
have created. 

Thank you for life pumping in my veins for another day.  Help me to open
up to life and connect with those who are disconnected.  Amen.

Day 30

O Great Poet. You who spoke the universe into being.
     May Your words enter me today and wake me up to reality.
     Help me to live a spiritual life as more than a theory, but
     a spontaneous joyful living happening every minute, each
     challenge, each ups and downs as a call to grow and keep
     opening my heart.  Amen.

Day 29

May a Song Rise Out of My Heart.

                    God of my youth, God of My Heart, Hear my Plea.
                                                          Forgive O Lord for so many of my mistakes,
                                                             forgive me Lord for all those I have hurt out
                                                                           of my suffering.
                                                             Help me Lord, to forgive myself.

May Love burst forth from my being.

                    God of this beautiful single moment.  Thank You for waking me
                                   this day.  May I see the world today with a chid's eyes
                                          and laugh with joy and delight at Your Wonderous Creation.  Amen.

Day 28

Life awakes in me each Day.
         I'm learning to trust the Holy Spirit Praying in Me,
         Guiding my steps and in my steps.

Creator, may I feel Your loving embrace in each moment,
         help me to see the world through eyes of Love,
         starting with loving myself as You love me.  Amen.

Day 27

Day Late Lord, but I know You love me anyway.
Thank you for Your creation.  Help me to live on day at a time.
I give thanks for the year you have given me with all its ups and downs.  Amen.