Spiritual identity is not something far off, not something we need to go to Tibet to find. It is here, in the way we walk on the earth, the way we see our life, the way we care for ourselves and others. Our true nature is not something extraordinary; in fact, it is quite ordinary, an inevitable portion of our daily life.--Muller (How Then Shall I Live?, 64)
Spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.--Anonymous (Big Book, 83)
It is hard not to run away, when things get hard. Even good things like being a dad, being married to the person i love, pursuing a career that feels natural to who i am, and seeking spiritual growth in the community i have been placed can be all very "hard." I learned very early on to check out when i feel overwhelmed and stressed. I escaped into my room, and would day dream being a super hero, or a famous country music star traveling the world singing in juke joints. I escaped into my mind to disconnect from the unbearable discomfort of what was happening in the now.
I find it sometimes impossible to pray where I am, because I feel like where I am is not enough. I judge the hell out of myself, and this self judgement keeps me disconnected from God, myself, and others around me. I am slowly, but surely learning to take a deep breath during these moments of self-pity and as I get grounded into my breath, my body, I become more aware of the here and now. I start to connect to myself, and then able to connect to something greater than myself. Quakers have a saying "that of God in you," and I forget in these moments of disconnection that the Holy Spirit dwells within me.
I still daydream sometimes about practicing a "real" spiritual life when I have time, so I can go on prayer retreats, visit monasteries, and learn from holy people. I do not discount the value of going on spiritual retreats, but my wish for escape from spirituality in my daily life robs me of growing and practicing a spiritual life in this very moment. I pray in the now, even when I am changing my daughter's poopy diaper, and even after or during hurtful words being spoken. I pray, when all I can utter are a few words, because I am so sleep deprived.
God accepts me even when I am cranky and not at my best, and the question is whether I can accept myself as I am. I am working on this, and it's a work in process. But this "work" is often joyful work that I undertake, because the work of a spiritual life is my life as it is. So here I am, trading on this road the best I can, and making tons of mistakes as a first time father and husband. I try to be a good son to my parents and a good brother, but sometimes I get caught up in my own life and go a long time without reaching out to them. But even in all my little failings, I know that God is walking with me and through me.
I hope these words are helpful to others who are struggling to live a spiritual life here and now in the messiness of their lives.
Lord Grant me the serenity to be myself. Give me the courage to grow, and the wisdom to trust in You, myself, and others. Amen.
(http://julianofnorwich.blogspot.com/2012/01/day-56.html)I find it sometimes impossible to pray where I am, because I feel like where I am is not enough. I judge the hell out of myself, and this self judgement keeps me disconnected from God, myself, and others around me. I am slowly, but surely learning to take a deep breath during these moments of self-pity and as I get grounded into my breath, my body, I become more aware of the here and now. I start to connect to myself, and then able to connect to something greater than myself. Quakers have a saying "that of God in you," and I forget in these moments of disconnection that the Holy Spirit dwells within me.
I still daydream sometimes about practicing a "real" spiritual life when I have time, so I can go on prayer retreats, visit monasteries, and learn from holy people. I do not discount the value of going on spiritual retreats, but my wish for escape from spirituality in my daily life robs me of growing and practicing a spiritual life in this very moment. I pray in the now, even when I am changing my daughter's poopy diaper, and even after or during hurtful words being spoken. I pray, when all I can utter are a few words, because I am so sleep deprived.
God accepts me even when I am cranky and not at my best, and the question is whether I can accept myself as I am. I am working on this, and it's a work in process. But this "work" is often joyful work that I undertake, because the work of a spiritual life is my life as it is. So here I am, trading on this road the best I can, and making tons of mistakes as a first time father and husband. I try to be a good son to my parents and a good brother, but sometimes I get caught up in my own life and go a long time without reaching out to them. But even in all my little failings, I know that God is walking with me and through me.
I hope these words are helpful to others who are struggling to live a spiritual life here and now in the messiness of their lives.
Lord Grant me the serenity to be myself. Give me the courage to grow, and the wisdom to trust in You, myself, and others. Amen.
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