Can people who are married and have kids be contemplatives? I used to think that contemplatives only existed in the walls of a monastery, whether it be a Christian or Buddhist monastery. I do not live in a cloister, but my home is the community in which I am spiritually growing.
My daughter Winnie is almost a year old. The days of holding her in the early morning while she naps on my chest and praying silently are long gone. Winnie wakes up rearing to go and walks from corner to corner exploring each cranny, and un-shelving most of her favorite books. It is hard to center and sit in silence and open oneself to contemplative prayer, when you are utterly exhausted most of the time.
The anonymous author of Cloud of Unknowing writes in the 43rd chapter about forgetting the self and to "let nothing stir your mind or will other than God. Attempt to suppress all your thoughts and feelings regarding subjects less than God. Put distracting ideas under a cloud of forgetting. In contemplation, forget everything, including yourself and your accomplishments." How do I focus on God and let everything else go?
For me, getting out of my own thoughts come usually the way of helping others and being of service to them, and eventually I get out of my own head in the action of helping others long enough that I remember to consciously contact God with my thoughts, words, and eventually someday with my whole being.
Being a father to a young toddler is often hectic and frenzied. :) But there are opportunities to open yourself up to the moment and let go of "distracting ideas" and "forget everything." Kids are wonderful teachers in opening yourself up to the present moment. My daughter Winnie and I have been lately taking morning walks. Winnie does not go very far until she inspects the tiny spec she sees on the side walk, or stumbles towards the grass to see a leaf, rubbish, or something that caught her eye; she is in awe of everything. If I put down my cell phone long enough, because I am usually busy capturing these cute moments digitally, I am invited to be present and put my focus on here and now. I see with new eyes, eyes of my daughter, a piece of discarded wrapper becomes treasure and a thing of fascination.
Children are also good teachers in giving and receiving love. I am not sure where Winnie learned this, but sometimes spontaneously as I or my wife, Jocelyn holds her, she will cry "hug" and give the most warm heartfelt hug. Winnie gently lays her head on your chest and wraps her arms around you. In those little moments, I am not thinking about myself, how tired I am, but just being in the presence of love. This sort of love I think are glimpses of how God loves us. This sort of Holy Love only exists now, in the present moment. It is love that one has to experience and open up to, and let go of one's defenses. Kids and puppies are good at disarming most of us, and a random act of kindness from them will melt even the coldest of hearts (not all, but most).
I am not a monk. I am a father and a husband. But I too am a contemplative. I happen to be Quaker and also Catholic. I grew up in the great tradition of the Methodist Church, but even then I was drawn to moments of silence. The contemplation that finds me in my current experience is sporadic, but it still nurtures me. It is the type of silence that opens me up and connects me to something bigger, and gives me hope even in the worst of days. I carry this silence that lives in my heart and is nurtured at home, to the hospital when I encounter folks in crisis as a Chaplain Intern. I am grateful to have my wife, Jocelyn and my daughter, Winnie as teachers in giving and receiving love with all my heart and soul.
My daughter Winnie is almost a year old. The days of holding her in the early morning while she naps on my chest and praying silently are long gone. Winnie wakes up rearing to go and walks from corner to corner exploring each cranny, and un-shelving most of her favorite books. It is hard to center and sit in silence and open oneself to contemplative prayer, when you are utterly exhausted most of the time.
The anonymous author of Cloud of Unknowing writes in the 43rd chapter about forgetting the self and to "let nothing stir your mind or will other than God. Attempt to suppress all your thoughts and feelings regarding subjects less than God. Put distracting ideas under a cloud of forgetting. In contemplation, forget everything, including yourself and your accomplishments." How do I focus on God and let everything else go?
For me, getting out of my own thoughts come usually the way of helping others and being of service to them, and eventually I get out of my own head in the action of helping others long enough that I remember to consciously contact God with my thoughts, words, and eventually someday with my whole being.
Being a father to a young toddler is often hectic and frenzied. :) But there are opportunities to open yourself up to the moment and let go of "distracting ideas" and "forget everything." Kids are wonderful teachers in opening yourself up to the present moment. My daughter Winnie and I have been lately taking morning walks. Winnie does not go very far until she inspects the tiny spec she sees on the side walk, or stumbles towards the grass to see a leaf, rubbish, or something that caught her eye; she is in awe of everything. If I put down my cell phone long enough, because I am usually busy capturing these cute moments digitally, I am invited to be present and put my focus on here and now. I see with new eyes, eyes of my daughter, a piece of discarded wrapper becomes treasure and a thing of fascination.
Children are also good teachers in giving and receiving love. I am not sure where Winnie learned this, but sometimes spontaneously as I or my wife, Jocelyn holds her, she will cry "hug" and give the most warm heartfelt hug. Winnie gently lays her head on your chest and wraps her arms around you. In those little moments, I am not thinking about myself, how tired I am, but just being in the presence of love. This sort of love I think are glimpses of how God loves us. This sort of Holy Love only exists now, in the present moment. It is love that one has to experience and open up to, and let go of one's defenses. Kids and puppies are good at disarming most of us, and a random act of kindness from them will melt even the coldest of hearts (not all, but most).
I am not a monk. I am a father and a husband. But I too am a contemplative. I happen to be Quaker and also Catholic. I grew up in the great tradition of the Methodist Church, but even then I was drawn to moments of silence. The contemplation that finds me in my current experience is sporadic, but it still nurtures me. It is the type of silence that opens me up and connects me to something bigger, and gives me hope even in the worst of days. I carry this silence that lives in my heart and is nurtured at home, to the hospital when I encounter folks in crisis as a Chaplain Intern. I am grateful to have my wife, Jocelyn and my daughter, Winnie as teachers in giving and receiving love with all my heart and soul.
Thank you for your writing, Eunsung. I enjoyed this peace.
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